I am back after 5 years. In my last post in 2017, I had pointed out my dilemma, or rather the frustration of not being able to write my ‘Magnum Opus’.
Well, the post itself became a source of motivation, the Inception-esque moment (Nolan fan here) wherein I tried to unravel motivation from my own motivational post! Not that I am writing my ‘Magnum Opus’ anytime soon, but I would. In a few years? May be. Here’s the post I’m talking about- https://drowningice.wordpress.com/2017/06/11/will-i-ever-write-my-magnum-opus/
A lot has happened in life since then. After due diligence, I quit my job in 2018 and came to Delhi. As a corporate labour clocking 8 hours everyday, I was never myself. I wanted to rediscover myself. This period in my life was as one might characterise as “It was the best of times, and it was the worst of times.” On one hand, I was embarking on a journey to realise my childhood dream, and, on the other, I had a subconscious level contradiction whether it was alright to quit a job and become dependent again. This contradiction would not go away and starred me in my mind constantly.
Nonetheless, I persevered forward with my preparation, thinking optimistically that one day it would, somehow dissolve on its own, like snow eventually does on a warm sunny day!
In 2019, I wrote my first attempt. Cleared Prelims. Failed in Mains.
In 2020, I wrote my second attempt. Cleared Prelims & Mains. Failed in Interview.
In 2021, I wrote my third attempt. Secured AIR 497!
I am not here today offering any strategy of sorts. What I want to convey is the power of getting things done is in each and every one of us. Even amid the hard times, when I failed in my earlier attempts, I was never in the business of questioning luck and fate. I tried to find out lacunae within myself and moved forward with a new plan.
This was the post I had made after 1st visit to Dholpur House last year. I missed out on the final list, but I think the positive outlook helped me get up to meet the next challenge with more determination.
In 2022, after almost 4 years, I tasted success. Until I decided to pursue CSE preparation, I had never really taken a big decision in my life. The whole of this courageous endeavour might have gone down the drain, but I had no alternative, there was nothing else I could do. So, the idea of failure never crossed my mind.
In life, there never seems to be a clear-cut choice at the time you need it most. It’s only later on, when you reflect with hindsight bias, that you see it was really a milestone and you could have gone off in a totally different direction. What becomes important is living, learning and enjoying what you do. Let your heart go, accept everything that happens and you will be happy for ever. It doesn’t matter what you choose to do, keep pushing yourself in whatever you do.
Success depends not only on one’s hard work in studies, but also on the smart-work outside studies. Knowledge will only give you a foot in the door, but you need inner peace to keep the door open.
In the coming days, I’ll try to write in detail about the various ups and downs I faced in 4 years of preparation. I would wish for this blog to help aspirants readers transcend to a better level of awareness and inner harmony.
See you again.
Yours truly,
Shubham Satyam
shubhamsatyam 