Engineering: Failed successfully

Although the third one, I believe this post was many months in the making or at least the thinking. Everything in my life was suffused with my belief in a lack of choices. I was afraid to take risks as I feared failing. I couldn’t muster up the courage to tell my dad that I wanted to write when he got me admitted in one of those ‘IIT-JEE’ coaching centres. What was I doing next? I was trying to justify my presence in the world of engineering, using principles of math and science to solve technical problems on commercial applications. So glad I can still use words like ‘math’, ‘science’ and ‘commercial applications’ to good effect when I am not doing what my dad would’ve imagined me doing after college.

Did I fail college? No, I nailed it.

I met some incredible people while attending college who have surprised me in a pleasant way with the close connection we share even today when we are all caught up with work. In a way, I succeeded. I’m not telling you stories now. I’m telling you the raw truth. It’s 2:27 AM in the morning as I type this sentence. I just finished chatting with a college friend. 15 minutes? Yes, 15 minutes with him gave me just enough time to walk over the wide pavements of memories we created together. When I say I nailed college I mean I won people. I made friends that would last into eternity. I am lucky it was I who could grab the opportunity of hanging out with those lazy, good-for-nothing bastards. I’m glad that I made myself worthy enough to be counted in their circle. That means success to me.

But time flew astoundingly fast. Now I just live my life one day at a time which only revolves around a desk-job and it is like living in an isolated world. I can grief in my own way without having to deal with their mockery of me. I can watch the football games without having to deal with the routine banters. Even though I grumbled at them constantly for making those banters, I enjoyed them. I believe college is the last shot you get to enjoy yourself before the world licks you hollow.

Life is short. One day you are here and the next day you could be gone. Engineering, for me, did not come close to what my father had imagined, but it is relevant and hugely important to me. I do not have any regrets that I could not stand out in the college crowd for being a great student and shit. I was lucky enough to spend my engineering period with a great bunch of friends. It feels like there was so much I needed to say in those final moments of good-bye but the time passed in a fleeting glimpse and I couldn’t. I just want to tell you all how happy it is to have great friends. Wherever you are in your life right now, you must understand that people around you form your metric of success and happiness. To some, it may seem like the simplest of things, making friends. But it is not if I put ‘real’ in between ‘making’ and ‘friends’. This is an effort to thank people who knew when I wasn’t myself and were always there to support me. I want you to thank your friends too. Don’t make the mistake of shutting yourself down and grieving in your own way when there’s someone out there caring about you. Pick up your phone and talk it out with someone who made you smile every time they did a stupid thing. Thank them for all the beautiful moments you have had with them. Make sure you have made enough friends to process the pain if need be. Make sure you have friends to listen to your crib-monologues in the middle of the night. Make sure you have friends who are used to hearing stuff like ‘I-have-something-to-tell-you’ quite often so that you need not write a blog post to thank them :p

PS: Dedicated to people who made engineering a fun experience 🙂